it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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