I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me