I want to have your abortion
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness