The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead