I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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