Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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