Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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