Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.