you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.