too bad you live with your parents still
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
