I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
