Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They took my balls.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Terrible idea I love it