the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????