oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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