did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
