You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
