it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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