good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My dick has a subreddit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
