He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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