My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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