i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.