I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.