Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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