Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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