when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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