if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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