i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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