just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
