remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize