sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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