I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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