could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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