I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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