Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
