Ambien. No doubt about it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
