god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I puked a lego.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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