look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
