Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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