She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I will be naked everywhere
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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