It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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