i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
