I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
