The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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