Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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