She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
