Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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