I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize