I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
