U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize