I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better