Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.