i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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