Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair

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(508): even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair http://tfl.nu/q2bb

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(503): View more from Oregon

You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??

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(503): You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!?? http://tfl.nu/qs7s

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

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(412): At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well http://tfl.nu/es2k

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(209): View more from California

Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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(209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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(774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r

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(802): View more from Vermont

It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.

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(802): It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside. http://tfl.nu/56u9

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(662): View more from Mississippi

The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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(662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/s3lv

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.

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(717): whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/6izn

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(415): View more from California

He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.

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(415): He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her. http://tfl.nu/kc95

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(909): View more from California

My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

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(909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up. http://tfl.nu/4jl3

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.

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(814): Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone. http://tfl.nu/n7df

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(347): View more from New York

Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

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(347): Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times. http://tfl.nu/buvd

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(903): View more from Texas

We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.

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(903): We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort. http://tfl.nu/9819

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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.

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(512): Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference. http://tfl.nu/5ngp

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(256): View more from Alabama

Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.

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(256): Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life. http://tfl.nu/gj8o

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