i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.