Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment