My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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