dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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