we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize