I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I believe in your delicious
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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