dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize