video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
